Wednesday, November 12, 2014

All this homework, as well as the curriculums demanding even more homework, is just a huge middle finger to the students, and I'm gonna give you one right back.

Alright, what can I say? Rather, the question is what is there to say? That's one of my dilemmas as a writer, that I never have anything to write about. This blog, as you may have guessed, is pretty much experience based. I write about shit that happens to me, I write about things that I have an impact on, funny things I do or say, and times when I totally kick ass (I love those times).

My problem is the negative feeling that school is giving me. Today, but specifically the first half, I felt dead inside. I could survive APUSH, as that was simple note taking, but physics was another subject entirely (no pun intended). In Physics, I couldn't do a problem to save my life, I was completely placid, with no will to do a problem or even pay attention to the lecture. I swear I do try to listen to those, but my physics teacher talks quietly, and there's an air vent right above us, so excuse me for not being able to concentrate on something I can barely hear in the first place. Not only that, but my eyes burned from lack of sleep stemming from trying to catch up on my Latin homework the previous night, and it was cold this morning, which didn't help at all. If my eyes were burning in the morning, imagine how they were on the bus home.

Don't you love it when your eyes tend to bother you often, especially when you don't get much sleep?
I don't.
It was this time that, surprise surprise, I was practically dead. I'm probably going to have to see my teacher tomorrow during lunch in order for him to tell me what I couldn't hear today. Then again, I'd do that if I had motivation, and ironically, the lack of motivation stems from the overload of homework at school, physics in particular, since I have no time for it.

The worst part about this whole thing? I mentioned it in the last blog post: the school counselors apparently think the solution to Juniors not getting enough sleep is for us to get more sleep. Gee, I never thought of that, I guess it's like building over the walls in Maze Runner.

If I had a choice between travelling 20 miles from school to home, getting home at 5 (school ends at 3:40), eating dinner, taking a shower, then doing APUSH, physics, pre-calculus, and Latin homework (plus all the homework I'm behind on), I would spend a week in that damned maze.
I've been waiting to see my counselor, as I already had an appointment with her. Originally it was to decide what to do in life, and from there I can pick a college, but now? Fuck that shit, I'm gonna be a squeaky wheel and complain. If the school thinks they can cram shitloads of homework onto our backs then claim it's our fault for not getting enough sleep, they're sorely fucking mistaken.

So back to Physics, I didn't do anything. I might've started to, but I pretty much collapsed after 10 minutes. Instead, I did something else. I got out my laptop and wrote. Not a blog post where I bitch about my life for a half hour for you to skim-read in one minute, I wrote fiction, the kind of writing I love as I can be creative rather than cynical for at least a short while. I wrote the background for my character in Dungeons and Dragons, thus morphing him from a set of stats into a real character, with a background that might as well be from an episode of BBC: Merlin. I can only imagine how I can write a crossover between these two universes.

I remember the creation of this background, I remember finishing it, and feeling better. The thing is, it wasn't writing a short story and losing myself in my work that helped me, it was the knowledge that I did something creative, not school mandated (definitely not a homework assignment), and that I basically achieved something of my own capacity and will.

That's the main problem with school, that it doesn't allow this. School keeps me from this, keeps me from refreshing and regenerating myself not through blog posts and sleep, but by the things I do that I want to do. Why can't I, you ask?

Because school forces us to have 5-7 hours of homework a night, and then complains when not enough people are getting 7+ hours of sleep.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

All Hail The Rain God!

I'm finally able to write an actual blog post again. I trust everyone read my last blog post about how shit life was, right? Good, it'll put things into perspective.

Today at school, we were given the standard yearly lecture on suicide prevention, and how some people, deprived of any other way to be happy, turn to drugs and alcohol. Of course, this is one of those times that I say that though I may feel depressed at some times, even suicidal, I'll never really do it, because I have too much to live for in the long term. I actually, as I've said in a previous blog post, enjoy sadness and bad days, and the best thing about a bad day is when, all of a sudden, it turns around on you and ends on a high note. In a way, maybe I have turned to drugs, the simple drug of unexpected happiness.

I googled "Happiness is my drug" and this was the first result. I have no idea what it means.
So to recap, the last two weeks have all of a sudden descended to the level of "complete shit". I've been severely behind on my homework, I've been getting less sleep in an effort to keep up on the homework I currently have, and I've gotten nowhere in asking out my love interest to homecoming ("dude, just ask her!" "dude, go fuck yourself!").

On top of that, we had a lecture today on suicide prevention which told us how 70+% of students got less than 7 hours of sleep, and that the lack of sleep was mainly due to stressing over getting homework done on time. Could the problem be that too much homework is being assigned? Of course not! Instead, all the problems are the results of the kids not having a set bedtime at night! I love my counselor (who was giving the lecture), I think she's pretty awesome, but the only reason I didn't speak up about it at the time was because of my being in a crowded theatre hall, and I'm not gonna be a dick to the people who actually are suicidal and actually need the lecture. However, my point still stands...

George Carlin, as always, is tired of your bullshit.
After this, in Physics I practiced Newton's first law ("an object at rest will stay at rest..."), and Pre-cal all I did was make cool paper airplanes, which I totally could have a career in. Finally at lunch, I had to fight another member of my party to the death because we hated each other (at least, our characters did, IRL we both lamented at having to kill off one of our characters). The worst part was, I had to fight the cleric, the most powerful person in the party.

Through the most ingenious stroke of luck within the seven realms, I surprisingly came out on top, my arrow buried in Lebeau's throat, the XP enough to level me up once more (once we convene again on Monday) and now making me the most powerful person in the party for certain. The best part about this is I feared losing because I had already written a backstory for my character, and I'd have to redo it entirely had I died. Not only that, but my character also looks like Gabriel from Supernatural, and who'd ever want kill him?

This glorious victory during lunch was more than I could possibly hope for. With the resulting adrenaline surge, I truly felt like I knew I was a badass (I mean, I usually am, but it takes some doing to convince myself of it). I tanked through Latin more easily than usual, and the best part was I felt like I had the confidence to ask out Mikayla, and had I encountered her, I would've done exactly that, and as a result of today, I now have a lasting feeling of victory and triumph (I'm a nerd, I play Dungeons and Dragons, who can blame me?) that I can call on when (not if) I feel nervous.

I know this is definitely going to help me out on this, because in this battle with the cleric, I truly felt like I was going to lose, and due to simple rolls of the dice (she couldn't roll above a 5, with the exception of an 11, and it still wasn't enough), I managed to come out on top.

This of course made me think, if I came out on top in a battle I was sure I was going to lose and fail and lose my honor forever, but managed to triumph because of random ways of how the universe worked, how bad can this be?