JotMotW: Entry #8: "Just fuck it"

There's a project due tomorrow. A project for english, but it's not really a project. We have to write fanfiction. A fanfiction about the meeting of J. Alfred Prufrock and Meursault, two separate intriguing characters from separate stories. An easy enough assignment to bullshit, and yet I can't do it. I'm mentally drained, as i might've said before. There are things I don't want to do, and yet I don't have any excuse to not do them other than that i don't want to do them, because I feel as if I can't do them. However, given my mental state, I'm probably not far off from the truth. I have been numbed and eroded by stress, I can't do work. Not even in the environment I feel it's easiest for me to concentrate, I can't do my homework. I don't want to go to school anymore! I don't want to be a part of this environment that produces nothing but stress! All this is pointless as the more stressed the students at my school get, the less they actually learn, and the less they want to do. I can't do anything. When you overlay someone with stress, they become lazy and develop less of a will to do the work. That is me right now. I have reached the point where I do not feel empowered to work, yet all my teachers expect me to work, not because they know I want to work, but because I'm a student at the best high school in the city and that's what good students at that high school do.
Yes, I know, I sound like someone who's just some incompetent lazy person who can't be bothered. Any of my teachers who read this will probably think that, but the truth is, no, I'm not lazy, and I'm sure as hell not incompetent. The truth is, my loving teachers, it isn't me, it's you. You claim to give us the right amount of homework for each class, but we have 7 classes! do you honestly think that's right for anyone? I know a guy who gets home at 8 and has to stay up all night to finish his homework. This isn't just me here, this is everyone. You either don't know what we students go through, or you do and simply don't care. My World History teacher even had the nerve to tell us she was just as, if not more tired than all of us, despite the fact that we were currently working on two projects.

                              

So when my teachers will ask me for the reason why I haven't done my homework, I'll be completely honest with them, no more bullshit. I'm too mentally incapable of doing the homework, especially after the massive load of it I've had to do this entire year. I'm no longer afraid of telling my teachers that I don't care about the assignment they've given to me.

Dear teachers, I no longer give a shit. I will do that which I am passionate about, and find my own direction. You make it seem like I'll be a failure in life if I don't pass your precious classes, and while you have a point, that's still mostly a lie. I will be a success in life, just you wait, I'll prove you wrong, mark my words.