Fear of Judgement: the Phobia of being told you Suck

Of all the things we are afraid of, one of the main things we find ourselves afraid of is other people, more so than any supernatural object that haunts our imaginations. We all find our breathing increase when you get up and present to a group, when you show your friend something new, and especially when you act like yourself, for then you are presenting your liked image to the world, and fear criticism.

I regard criticism as a good thing, something to help me perfect my technique and/or methods, but it still enervates me, as it does most everyone else, just another one of my many personal conflicts between emotion and reason (I know nothing can go wrong, but my body will react as if everything will, which sucks because I know nothing will go wrong but it might and therefore I worry against the will of my own logic). We aren't afraid of the criticism, criticism can be good or bad, depending on how it's worded. As I said just now, I enjoy criticism as it provides me with a direction to go (I also enjoy feedback, especially on my blog posts, because I rarely ever get proper feedback on them in the comments. Hint hint, everyone). That being said, I like hearing other people's opinions on my work because I know how to work on it further. I'm not afraid of being told how my stuff is, but then again, that's not what anyone is really afraid of. What we are really afraid of is being told that we suck.

Imagine this: You work on something for over a month, you invest all your time into imbuing detail into it and making it as perfect as you can imagine. Finally you take it and show it to your friends and ask them what they think, and they all tell you that it sucks. Pretty heartbreaking, ain't it?

That's what you're afraid of. You're afraid of being put down for other people for what you've done. You have an urge to be accepted. I know, I do too. Ever shown your friend funny pictures from your phone? You want to show them the humor you think they might like in order to get them to accept you. You even show them random things you like in order to evaluate them and see what they like. You have the urge to be accepted. Why else would you want to stand out? Why else are you nervous around people rather than being yourself? Because you're afraid they won't accept you, that they'll reject you.

That's why you're afraid of being yourself, of talking to people, of showing your stuff, it's because you fear rejection, we all do, some less than others. You fear going up on stage because people might not like you, you fear asking your crush out because (not to be repetitive) she'll reject you. You fear being shot down. I don't blame you, I do, too, it's only natural.

My mother wants me to delete this blog and to instead write everything under a fake name. Why? Because colleges may not like me and thus reject me. She continues to push this opinion onto me, despite the fact that I've made it clear I don't care. I'm repeatedly told I'll get hate for my opinions, posted publicly onto the internet, but if I get hated on, fine, I don't give a fuck. Even if a college refuses me for something I write, I won't feel bad about it so long as you tell me why (yes, I'm talking to you, future college background-checkers)

Instead of simply hating me, tell me why. If you hate me, I want to know exactly what I'm doing wrong, I want feedback. I'm okay with being told that my writing sucks, so long as you provide a decent rationale for why it does, so that I might be able to perfect it in the future, I'm okay with it. What I don't want you to do, what I don't want anyone to do, is to hate my work and remain silent. Critique me, critique everyone. We all want to know how we do, so tell your friends how they can do what they do better (not to the point of being pretentious, but you get the idea).

I want feedback, and from now on, I ask you this: if you read my blog posts, critique them. As I've said, I don't want to be here simply lecturing to you, the comments section is your battleground. Tell me what the hell you think of this! I hate silence from you guys, the crushing silence that ensues when you +1 this entry and nothing else. No feedback, whatsoever, I never know what you think, and thus I never get to know what kind of person you are, on top of everything. So please, if nothing else, even if you hate me (which you probably don't but there's someone who does, most likely), tell me what you think!