Wednesday, October 29, 2014

How Do I Feel Right Now? Good Question...

I'm starting to feel the pressure of school, what with all my heavy classes on one day, plus my laziness, so I haven't had much time to write any new blog posts. I'm definitely writing one now, however, so feel privileged. Because of the sudden stress of school, plus my everlasting dilemma of asking my love interest to homecoming, I feel as if I'm in an emotional lull. I don't hate life, but I don't love it, in a sense. To make matters worse, our cleric has deserted our party in D&D club in a quite dishonorable fashion.

On the plus side, I'm the most powerful one in the party now
I'll just start with the main thing that's been going on: my love life, *pauses while the audience laughs.* I normally don't have a problem talking to people, and hardly ever do, but of course the girl you secretly love would be harder. I want to ask her out, and I'm putting so much pressure on myself to do so, and for a week she's been nearby, I've known exactly where she was (this is during lunch) and I haven't had the confidence to ask her out; naturally, because I now have the confidence to do so, I have no idea where she is. I know everyone's gonna say "dude, just ask her out!", but saying this to me just increases the sarcasm I bring to our personal relationship.

My Robotics teacher has a picture in his classroom that says "if a pretty picture and a cute saying are enough to motivate you, you have an easy job, the kind robots will be doing soon"
That's how my love life is going in a nutshell, but I'm sure my frustration and exasperation with myself will serve to spur me into action sooner or later (preferably before anyone else asks her out, god forbid).

Meanwhile one of two things has been happening: either school's getting harder, or I'm getting lazier. All of my hard classes are on A days (we have an alternating block schedule) and it's starting to weigh me down. The best I can hope for is that all this laziness and stress is simply being caused by the stress of my anxiety of asking Mikayla out, and by doing so I'll have more will to do work.

I know this is a short one, but I don't know how I'd really flesh it out, plus I think this is enough for all to understand.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

"Eh, screw it, I'll just cut way too many holes in a sheet and say it's comedic"

Hey guys! I felt like writing after today, which was a complete lazy day (my favorite kind of day), maybe I just internally wanted to have accomplished something, but I digress.

The problem with claiming I'm not lazy is that I'm not fooling anyone.

Today was fantastic. In AVP we had file saving issues, so no work was done there. In English we wrote our journal/warm ups, which I'm gonna write more about here, and proceeded to talk about bullshit; That is, we talked more about the bible. Robotics I programmed some, and might've made my programming more complicated than it should've been. Theatre? We cleaned the place, which was okay, and my teacher complimented me on my script critique, which was hella uplifting.

If anyone likes, they can read it here.

Now, to the topic of today, which is basically me fleshing out my journal from English.

The topic was simply "October", and we were given 15-20 minutes to write. A few things stood out in my mind, such as Scare for a cure and Christmas decorations (though that probably belonged in "September"), but one thing that piqued my interest was about the issues I've had with our favorite day at the end of the month, which thankfully rests upon a Friday. Yes, my biggest issue the past few years has been Halloween, and it's not because I don't enjoy this holiday. Who the fuck argues against free candy?

I haven't enjoyed this holiday because I've always been so busy around that time that I've never had any time to think about what I want to be, and then when I finally decide, it's the 26th. Freshman year I was a doctor, because that's the only costume my father could whip up in 5 hours on Halloween night. Sophomore year I was a bit more on the ball, and started my costume a week early, and went as the Tenth Doctor; I even met someone dressed as the Fourth Doctor that night, which was an added bonus.

This year, I've decided way in advance who I'm gonna be. I'm going to be my mind's personification of none other than Captain Yaple. I already have the base clothing; I have the shirt, cardigan, and blue jeans (yes, this is matching my Minecraft skin, deal with it). All I need are the electric shortsword and Particle Magnum with holster and I'm all set. I can be Captain Yaple.

Well, these shouldn't have too many legal obstacles to obtain.
Then again, it's Texas, so who cares that I have a gun?

Now, I suppose I should clarify something that I clarified in my journal. Yes, I address myself as Captain Yaple, yet I refer to myself in the third person; why would I do such a thing, if I'm not insane?

I'm fairly certain McKay and I share the flaw of vanity

It's because I'm not Captain Yaple, not really. I do my best, I allow myself to be pushed by my own will to be like him, but I'm not him. I'm as close as I can be. Captain Yaple, at least my mind's personification of him, is a self-created character. I may have gotten the name from Sophomore theatre last year, but the character is my own. When I heard the name, I thought "yep, that's me", and kept it as myself; however, as time went on, I guess I unconsciously realized this as not true, that I wasn't really Captain Yaple, even though sometimes I am.

Captain Yaple isn't me, but he's how I like and want to view myself. He's the amazing character who I strive to become in life. Other people have such a character too, but not as amazing and awesome as Captain Yaple; they choose their characters from books, movies, TV shows. In other words, I'm one of the few original people in the world.

They chose their character because they were able to relate to that character, at least partially, and they saw something in that character that they wanted to achieve in themselves. People read about Tris, related to her past as a shy, silent girl, and they want to be brave. People watch Captain America, relate to his wanting to do the right thing, and so they want to be a badass and pollute the Patomic to no end (seriously, nobody considered the environmental impacts?).

I look at Captain Yaple, as if gazing into a mirror, and relate to him, because despite being the same person sometimes, we're different. Captain Yaple is who I want to be, confident, brave, badass, the guy everyone knows about and likes. Sure, these qualities describe me, some of the time, but I love being Captain Yaple, I love who he is, and no matter how much of a role model anyone is for me in life, I have no greater role model than myself.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

How Can Writing Be Real If Our Eyes Aren't Real? Also, Follow If U Luv Jesus.

Alright, before we begin, I'm told by someone that they don't know how to follow my blog, so I'm going to assume that means all of you, too. Listen closely, kids.

1. Proceed to Do not pass "go", do not collect $200.

2. On the left side, about mid-way up the screen, there is a button that says "add"

3. I hope to god that you can figure out on your own to put my blog's link in there. If you can't even do that after the previous sentence, then how the hell are you alive?

Now, without further ado, I shall begin with my usual profound shit about my emotions. Enjoy.

Has your life ever been so startlingly nice at times that you have no idea what you could possibly write about?

We learned a year ago in theatre (shoutout to my theatre teacher who's following my blog post) that our pain is what defines us, and even though we have happy experiences to draw on, it's always the pain and the bad stuff that we remember most. Even if my day ranked a 9, if I experienced a shitty event of some kind, that event might bring me down to a 6, most likely. The sad shit is what we pay attention to, and we never forget the pain we feel, even though happy things last mere weeks.

Ah, the life of a Tyrannosaurus is a simple one.

That being said, my pain is what I like to write about. My blog allows me to have an outlet for me to spit out all my sadness onto a page and get it out of my heart. We enjoy watching bad movies because we love to complain about them (oh, we humans LOVE to complain about shit), we also enjoy reading bad books because we love to complain about them. Why do we enjoy complaining about these things? Because complaining about the bad stuff is just another way of getting it out. Complaining about the bad, like I do in my blog posts, is what helps us vent and let go of it.

Good luck getting that out of your head in the next decade.

Happiness, strangely, has become commonplace for me these days. I usually only write about happiness when it's so big that it outshines all the bad shit that's going on. I write about me being happy because it's a change, and a positive one at that, and I try to put something philosophical in them, but in reality, it's not solely because I want to shed some profound light into your life, but rather because it's a feeling, it's something, and no matter whether it's good or bad, I need to get it out, because if not, I'll obsess over it until it overwhelms me.

Hurrah, journal entries

I've wanted to do a blog post for a while now, but I've faced that utterly terrible hopeless dilemma that causes writers to freak out because they have nothing to write about. The days since my last post haven't been even close to uneventful, but even so, they are common, and it's the common things we take for granted.

...Have I just realized that I like bad days? Weird, especially considering that I never want these good days to end. I have specifically said in one of my previous posts that I do, though, because after all, how can we know when a day is great and amazing if we never occasionally have a day that's nearly complete shit? And even then, how can we think to know how to turn it around into the best day ever?

I suppose, in the end, I just wanted to write, because writing is my catharsis, and I write all kinds of things, things that vary depending on the mood I'm in (you can guess how it looks when my mood is "lazy"). I write from my heart, and I've exhausted my supply of bad things to rant about, which is great, despite the fact that my love life remains unfulfilled, what with barely seeing my love interest at all. I'd complain further, but I figure if you want to read about shitty teenage romance, you'd probably find a book to read instead.

"Those who think we never read the books are gonna be really disappointed to know that we read the books.
Except for twilight...because f*ck twilight" -Cinemasins

After that, feel free to do some complaining of your own.