My dad made my little sister cry tonight because she wouldn't hug him back

Dad, I apologize in advance for this blog post, if I do get around to publishing it, but there's a reason I call you "my dad" and not "my father"

I've searched my feelings, I'm pretty sure it's not true. Go rule the galaxy with someone else.

Tonight, you made my little sister cry. I can only think of one other time when she cried in front of you, and that was when she tried to get you to confess as to whether or not you had (been having) a girlfriend shortly after the divorce took place. Now you've bought a house together, which isn't suspicious at all.

I'll skip over her and her kids, who I consider "terra incognita", and thus can't necessarily pass judgement on them. I never got to know them, nor were we ever given a chance to know them. You simply said "here, this is my new family. Our old family that held together for 16 years? well...here, have some cool stuff and forget about it". That may not have been your exact wording, but I think I got it down.

I don't know them, but I know you. I've spent 16 years with you, and suddenly you seem like another person. A divorce is a horrible thing for both people involved, and somehow, you managed to be lucky enough to not be hurt at all. I might congratulate you, were the circumstances different and I were an unknowing third party. However, despite how much I pretend that I'm perfectly fine, I've mentioned before how I define the status word "fine", and everyone who reads this has got to know it too. "I'm fine" is, in my opinion, the sincerest form of sarcasm one can engage in.

I'm hardly hurt by the fact that you never really engaged with me. I'm antisocial, I'm shy, and somewhat socially anxious. I never minded in the slightest. Of course, it's never me that needs to get hurt for me to actually be hurt. My sister would come home angry every Thursday, every weekend in particular, having to deal with you. You hardly ever text us, even with our unlimited texting plans. I know that if I was a single father with kids, I'd text them every morning on their bus ride to school. I mean, I already do the same to my mother, who's jobless, losing hope because of you, having to force herself out there after 18 years of being a stay at home mom to get a job. I text her every morning to give her encouragement, much more than you've ever done. You never ever hurt me, but you hurt them, and that's practically the same thing.

We're afraid to talk to you, as well. My sister's too young to know what it's like when you get mad, and even then I knew only moments before that you were. I was afraid to talk to you, more so when I got older, because I never knew when you got mad. I make myself never get mad, because I never want to become you, I never want anyone to be afraid of talking to me and telling me how they feel. Why else would I talk to you through a stupid blog post?

That's why she didn't want to hug you. She feels undervalued in terms of that new family you have, and I do too. Mom wouldn't care, if not for that. One time, when I told you visitation was a thing between you, me, and my sister, and not necessarily your girlfriend and her kids, you said they were part of your family now. It seems like that, believe me, but I think they've had a foot in the door for years now, regardless of us. They've replaced us, and you seem to keep up this charade purely out of obligation. Why did you even want custody in the first place?

My mother's life is stressful enough, because purely and simply, job hunting sucks. It sucks when you have no skills, when you never did anything worthwhile then that would earn a living wage now, when you were a stay at home parent having to take care of the kids and not worry about the money. No, that was your job, and your job only. Now in the decree, when you buy anything medical for me or my sister, she has to pay half, even though you make more in a day than she currently makes in a year (see, because joblessness), which ought to be something along the lines of 20/80, because you make so much and she makes so little, and you wouldn't be caught dead paying anything greater than the child support payments.

One thing that I suppose might come to mind is the fact that, in the eyes of the law, I'm waaay too young to talk about this, or even know about this. I'm 17, in a magnet high school, and I can't know about how your burden. How can't I know? I'm old enough, no matter how many times I've been around the sun. My sister and I gained a couple years ever since you moved out. Daylight savings has nothing on us. She was an innocent little kid, ready to go into middle school and have her innocence removed by annoying tweens, when you thought you'd spare that for her and shattered her innocence in one fell swoop. It wasn't even you directly, she nearly went insane wondering why you were acting like this, why you were being evasive, why you weren't telling us, particularly her, what was going on. Finally, mom was forced to tell her what the hell was going on, and the rest fell into place. Ever since then, her persistent confusion has transformed itself into anger, anger that's reflected on those she spends the most time with (as in, not you). You never spend time with us, you never have to deal with the fallout, it's always mom. Valve only made us deal with fallout twice, and never would ever do it a third time.

Back to the topic at hand, you made my sister cry tonight. We went to see Insurgent, and it was a good movie, much better than the first movie, and when you dropped us off at home, you wanted to give her a hug goodbye. She said no, you got mad, she started crying because you were holding her arm so she couldn't walk away. Our family has collective security, dad, too bad you defected. I pushed away, I got in between you and her, and she ran to the door (at least, it seemed like it, I didn't have my eyes on her), and you yelled at me for taking her side. Why was this caused? Because she didn't want to hug you. Well, I think she's certainly changed her mind and wants to hug you now (in case you didn't guess, that was 110% sarcasm).

It's one thing to have to hug my mother because of the stress she has to go through as a result of you, but seeing your father dad actively make her cry strikes something entirely different. With your mother you feel the need to give her sympathy. When it's your sister, you tend to feel the need to take the guy who broke her heart and put him in his place. I can't do that physically, or verbally. You dominate the discussion, intimidate with your fury, and understand nothing. That's why I did it here.

I may not be the crazy slut with a dead husband, but I'm obviously either really brave or really stupid by doing this. Maybe both, but I'm definitely crazy

I don't know what the hell is gonna happen now, but I think you can count us -both of us -out of visitation next week.