Dear Rain God, Could You Please Not?

Hey everyone! Before I begin, I just wanna say that today was dense. I wrote this blog post while listening to this video, and I suggest you read it while doing the same. You don't have to, but it's recommended. Warning, there are spoilers to Season 9 of Supernatural, but not many.

Have you ever spent the first hour of your day (or rather what was supposed to be the first hour) and realized, "yep, it's gonna be one of those days"? That was this morning for me.

Today began the shittiest day I've had in a while: I woke at 2 a.m. due to intense thunder and couldn't fall back asleep if I tried; my bus was 50 minutes late; I barely got to school on time; my binder's shoulder strap came undone as I attempted to get to my first class and all my stuff piled up in my hands; I managed to get to class, exhausted and my eyes burning; I had read the wrong section for my English homework; the project I thought I had finished on Tuesday wasn't actually finished at all; Lastly, my throat was mostly dry all day.

Damn it, Zeus! You ruined the first half of my day!

Each of these trials I cursed myself for braving. I felt physically terrible, and we all know what effect that has upon one's psyche. Had I gone the whole day like this, I might've chalked it all up to a shitty day, and that's that. I wouldn't have thought about it like I do now had this been a full shitty day. A full shitty day is just that. You don't think about it, you just pervade through it, gritting your teeth all the while. Several shitty days in sequence is something else entirely.

Maybe, just maybe...

The latter half of my day was completely the opposite. Had you cut out everything before then, you'd see it as a 9 on my counselor's scale of 10. Maybe the pain I had faced before made the difference between a 7.5-8 and a 9. Everyone knows that the excitement of Friday means nothing to someone who's never known a weekend. Good means nothing to someone who's never known Evil. The same applies here. With no bad days to compare them to, how can our good days be good? A slave knows not a better master until he has served a worse.

So what was the good that happened today? I made a horrible joke in English (One positive characteristic about the Sodomites: they were very creative individuals); one of my friends in theatre is also participating in Scare For A Cure; my theatre teacher appreciated the Cinemasins video I sent her so much that she let me show the class as part of a realism study (spoilers: it was Frozen); finally, we were given an awesome project to present tomorrow that my group came up with an amazing idea for (our project is to come up with an original monster and origin story), and I'm to present it as a monologue in character, so that should go well. I'll be wearing my awesome shirt tomorrow underneath my cardigan, so god knows I'll have confidence (plus my group members assured me I'm the best person for the role, which may or may not be a compliment).

So sure, it wasn't the perfect day. I fully doubt that I'll have it ever in my life. I'll have amazingly great days, and then there are the depressing heart-sucking days, the ones that feed in the darkness. I didn't get to have a full lunch, and did so alone, I never found the courage to conquer my daily challenge of asking out Mikayla (okay, by now I'm doing this just to see if she reads this shit. If you do, I hope that makes this whole thing easier), I still am not the perfect being I envision myself to be.

I still have room to improv(e) the days of my life to be better, somehow. Though my confidence is merely gilded, I still have a chance, a chance to fake it and make it.

And you know what? So do you. If you're the kind of person I'm talking to, you know it. All you depressed, self-harming, suicidal people out there who can't fit in, I said in a previous blog post that I'm not confident, and I only look like I am. I have all these friends because of it. You can too. You have a chance.

I love how asshat religious people claim I should read C.S. Lewis to understand Christianity. Oh, the irony.

So take it, and I will do my best to do the same. I bid thee good fortune, as some may need it, but others? All they need is a spurring motivation.

Right here. Go forth and grow, my followers, and I'll see you wherever we may go.