I'm Scared Of Growing Up, Should I Invest In Religion?

What a week this has been. Moving, Supernatural, issues with my internet friends, and then there's telling my IRL friend I'm too busy (both physically and emotionally) to participate in GISHWHES this year, which I'm sure she'll go crazy and flip out over, given she's normally very enthusiastic about everything and was kinda obsessive about getting me into it in the first place.

Maybe next year, Erin? I've got too much shit to deal with.

So moving has been laborious, and my mom is stressed out. My dad hasn't helped out at all with moving (all he wants is his own stuff) and our only assistance has come from my mother's new boyfriend, who's actually been putting a lot of time and effort into helping us get rid of all the shit my dad has bought over the years. Once again, my mother is stressed to fuck, and the move and my dad not caring has driven her to the edge, worse than during the school year, only then I knew I was the cause.

I was wanting to meet up with one of my internet friends and my mom shot down the idea when I asked her, obviously not trusting me to meet up with a complete stranger. On top of that, she possibly wouldn't be able to drive me. I understand she's stressed, but I know how to escape a possible child molester. We'd be meeting in a public area, and I can always just sit there and refuse to move (also I'm "action hero type" enough to fight the good fight). I honestly don't see why she would need to worry, although given she's a mother and she's stressed enough, I don't blame her.

When I bitched about it to my other internet friend, we then got into an argument about how I won't grow the fuck up and solve the problem myself (I didn't ask her for any assistance whatsoever). She bitched me out about how I, Captain Dirk AJ Yaple, needs to get up off my high horse and face life and grow the fuck up. This isn't an exact summary of the argument (kinda one-sided, really), but it comes pretty damn close. It was then that my mother called me away to move some boxes, where I reflected on the words of my friend, until I realized they were right.

Then comes the part where once again I realize I'm a horrible person, in a way at least. I need to fucking grow up, as friend #2 said. The problem is I'm afraid of doing so. I don't know adulthood, and I know it's somewhat different to childhood as I know it. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm lazy, I'm an asshole, and I've already said enough about my narcissism in my previous blog post. It scares me, one of the first things to scare me in a long time.

This vast world, the world as humans have made it to be is horrible. So the older generation blames the younger generation? Look at the shitty world they left us with! We're doing a bit better than them only because we haven't been here as long. I know what it means to be an adult, but I don't know how I'd become one. I know how to keep a relationship intact, I just can't get into one (for obvious reasons).

This journey from being a teenager to being an adult is much harder than it was for my parents by far. Shit, 60 years ago you could afford college by being a fucking clerk! Now you have to be descended from someone who makes 6 figures just to pay off the damn student loans (if not, then prepare for crippling debt for a decade or two)! Back then you had diseases, but at least then natural selection took place and the people who didn't vaccinate their fucking kids died before they could convert others to their stupid fad.

As you can probably tell, the worst part of adulthood will be the dumb as shit bureaucracy that I will have to deal with, especially in America, the land of convenience!

I feel the emptiness in the pit of my stomach once more, combined with the shame that comes hand in hand with pissing off two of your friends when you know it's your fault the whole damn time. What a sucky evening. Thanks to me getting my feelings out on this damn post, I feel kinda better. Kinda.

If anything I've learned from writing this, I can tell that the one thing I will hate more than bureaucracies will be transition periods.