This morning is one of happiness, of life. While my week has been one of stress, frustration and judgement, only now do I know peace. My load of homework is currently at a lull, I got out and did something physical outside for once, I watched an episode of Doctor Who, and I feel content. I can keep my eyes open for over 5 minutes without rubbing them and making it look like I've just smoked a joint. I can sit up with ease, I can smile without difficulty, and I can breathe easy, as nothing hard is to be done this weekend.
.......Or so I'd wish.
Gandalf would disagree that this is peace. This is "the deep breath before the plunge", the calm before the coming storm, the eye of the hurricane. Monday I face a chemistry test, where I don't actually get the material quite as well as I'd like. After that bit of stress I have Planet Earth, where my group must face our teacher and confront him about last week's previously-thrown curveball. After that I must confront our Mock AP World History test, where three essays and 70 multiple choice lie in wait, all in two separate class periods. After that, I have a project due on Tuesday and Thursday, which lends to me even more paranoia for the days to come following this blissful hiatus.
How can I enjoy this coming weekend of peace and plenty with this knowledge plaguing the back of my mind? How can I have fun now given the trials and torments that serve as the epilogue to my pleasure trip? My frustration I know shall return, the stress and all the homework will resume their bombardment upon my emotional shields, until they could fail completely, and beget pain emanating from the voices of my subconscious, driving me over the edge. This morning helps me realize all the things I live for. It's hard to remember when the frustration and stress make you forget. I feel like Frodo, the Ring hanging as a pendulum from my neck, the frustration subtly building within me. I want to survive, the voices within me have begun to sing once more, for the first time in a while, and they make me happy. I feel mentally sound, conscious, ready for the day. I can only do my best to forget my pain-to-be, and live for now, as I always try to make myself do. Hopefully I can accomplish some things I've wanted, hopefully, I can make the most of the time I have before it all ends. Hopefully I can someday know peace.
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