So I've been given a project in English (which I have been procrastinating on), called the Journal of the Movement of the World project, based off The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery. The basic gist of the project is that every day, I have to pick a moment to write an entry, at least 4 sentences, but i have to write it as close to the moment as possible (expect venting!!), and it can be about anything, in pretty much any format (yes, it does include blog entries). I'll be using my blog for this as it is kinda dead and I haven't written much in a while. I'll be doing 14 entries, most on their own separate days, some not. Expect these until at least next Thursday, when I have to send my teacher the links (and she'll just love all the cursing you can expect me to do) to each of the separate posts. Now, to begin, the tale of the moment I'm currently in.
I'm fucking tired. I'm only 2 days into the last 6 week period at school, It's barely even halfway into the second day, and I find myself tired. All these people are having fun around me, all acting as if they've had the most rest in the world. I personally will be decked by World History this six weeks, where I'm in the process of being coerced to take the mock AP test, despite the fact that I never signed up for the real one. I'll have to take that test, then do corrections so I would get 100%, even though my superfluous grades won't change in the slightest, so if I fail the mock AP, I'm fucked, and then we get a huge important project that's 40% of our grade for the six weeks. Did I mention that I'm tired? Everyone else around me as I sit cross-legged seems to act perfectly awake, even though there's the possibility of their fatigue being easily hidden, I still fell distant from the world, lost in my own imagination, I can't concentrate on anything at this particular moment, not even the WW2 lecture in World History we had a week ago. It's moments like these that I feel the distinct urge to escape into the holodeck of lucidity that is my complex mind and diverse imagination. Sadly, this is not so. I cannot simply have my spirit let go of my body and thus beget a rag doll. I cannot fulfill my wish of pulling my mental body back into the recesses of my mind. I simply desire a world to live in my daydreams, if only to envision how each would work and exist, as well as exploring possibilities and potential for my own self. My daydreams are broad, logical, fantastical, possibilities to be examined and followed through with. Reactions can be gauged, strategies devised, objectives achieved, potential found, in short, I want to live within the interior of a holodeck. Desiring and requiring neither food nor sleep, as I am merely a program within the matrix. I am merely a non-corporeal being within this holodeck. I am alone, and yet I am within a crowd. My psyche is split, multiple personalities emerge with each passing emotion, changing points of view and perspectives with each unconscious shift. They all converge when I deal with my corporeal self, when my imaginary world begins to become black around the edges, signalling my return to wariness, consciousness. The physical world has returned, I am waking against my own will. I am drawn back to the world around me, the raucous noise exhumed by my colleagues fading, the white noise that sent me into my mind disappearing. I am awake now, sadly. Life begins, and I must depart again. Farewell, my great holodeck of lucidity, my ship of the imagination, but I shall return.
Wow, this turned out great! I seriously like this one. Anyways, in closing, you should expect these every day or so, if not more frequent. In other news, if you like the stuff I post on my blog, then follow it. If you like a post, +1 it on G+ (that's how I score my posts, it's not just a personal thing, it's also how I evaluate my audience). That's all for today, folks, have a nice, lazy, Tuesday, as I have been having.
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